But this grief does not stem from the child's autism in itself. It is grief over the loss of the normal child the parents had hoped and expected to have. Parents' attitudes and expectations, and the discrepancies between what parents expect of children at a particular age and their own child's actual development, cause more stress and anguish than the practical complexities of life with an autistic person.

Some amount of grief is natural as parents adjust to the fact that an event and a relationship they've been looking forward to isn't going to materialize. But this grief over a fantasized normal child needs to be separated from the parents' perceptions of the child they do have: the autistic child who needs the support of adult caretakers and who can form very meaningful relationships with those caretakers if given the opportunity. Continuing focus on the child's autism as a source of grief is damaging for both the parents and the child, and precludes the development of an accepting and authentic relationship between them. For their own sake and for the sake of their children, I urge parents to make radical changes in their perceptions of what autism means.

I invite you to look at our autism, and look at your grief, from our perspective:

I do not suffer from autism.

I suffer when someone calls my way of being a disorder.

I suffer when others invest time and money to prevent people like me from being born.

I suffer when anyone suggests that I might recover or be cured.

I suffer when others feel sorry for me or for the family I have created.

I suffer when I fear that people will consider me broken.

I suffer when my being autistic scares people away.

I suffer when others try to silence me.

I suffer when people suggest that I do not have all the same feelings they do.

I suffer because I must describe my way of being by referring to a medical diagnosis.

I suffer because I live in a society that does not celebrate difference.

I suffer because I live in a culture that does not cultivate sensitivity.

I suffer because I live in an environment that values appearance over substance.

I suffer because I live within a social order that calculates human worth based on productivity and conformity.

I suffer because I live in a world that does not honor the gifts that autism brings me.

I suffer because I have learned to apologize for who I am.

But make no mistake: I do not suffer from autism. I do not suffer from who I am.

The Short Life of a Diagnosis

Asperger syndrome and autism should be thoroughly tested before being lumped together in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

For most of his life, music critic Tim Page felt like an outsider. Restless and isolated, he was overstimulated and uneasy around others. Finally, when he was 45, Page was diagnosed with Asperger's, a syndrome that falls within the autism spectrum.

As Page explains in the prologue of his new memoir, Parallel Play: Life As An Outsider, the diagnosis came as a relief: "Here, finally, was an objective explanation for some of my strengths and weaknesses," he writes.

People with Asperger's often struggle to interact with groups and understand social norms. Page describes himself growing up as a "very lost little kid" who acted out in school by making faces at teachers and being aggressive with the other students. His ability to connect to others didn't improve with age.

"I can remember all sorts of trivia, but I don't notice what somebody has on," Page tells Terry Gross. "I guess it's sort of like your absent-minded professor times five, if that makes any sense."

Music - particularly the repeating patterns of melody - provided him with a refuge from an early age. He remembers listening to his mother's record collection and experiencing a "passage into a world where everything made sense."

He compares listening to music to watching clouds change slowly over the course of an afternoon. "I love process. I love patterns. I love seeing things just change slightly but also still catching you up in the whole process, and that's something that I remember from being very, very young, and I love the fact that there are some wonderful musicians who are exploring that now."

"It was always very easy for me to talk about music," he adds.

Page went on to become a music critic at The New York Times and Newsday. He was awarded the Pulitzer Prize in 1997 for his work as the chief classical music critic at The Washington Post.

As for his diagnosis with Asperger's, Page says it has helped him accept the parts of his nature that are "not very changeable." Wearing eyeglasses, for instance, makes him feel like he is "being intimate with everybody on the street." As a result, he rarely wears them now - even though he received his first prescription for glasses when he was in kindergarten.

• See the trailer & Get information on local venues here: www.autisticlike.com
• If you would like to join the movement and host a screening in your area, click here for some ideas on how to do this.

Inova Fairfax Hospital for Children (Falls Church,VA) and Advanced Pediatrics (Vienna, VA), are conducting a survey of parents of children with autistic spectrum disorders (ASD) to determine the extent of feeding and gastrointestinal problems among children with ASD and their siblings. We are requesting your assistance in getting the questionnaire to the parents. The survey takes about 15-20 minutes to complete. It can be done on paper  or online at:

https://fs19.formsite.com/vbadalyan/form977322282/secure_index.html

also including a document for parents titled Frequently Asked Questions.  This is done to fulfill our requirement to explain possible risks, benefits, and confidentiality to all survey participants. For your reference, we are also including a copy of the Inova Health System IRB exemption certificate.  This study is self-funded. If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact Dr. Vahe Badalyan at vahe.badalyan@inova.org or at 703-776-6652 (Department of Pediatrics, Inova Fairfax Hospital for

Children). Thank you for your consideration.