RP Listener Forum

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 5:20pm

MsJudi wrote:

You need to follow that advice when it comes to your kids, Deni. {#Heartkiss}

Thank you, I work on this daily. {#Heartkiss}

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 5:18pm

hippiechick wrote:

Expectations cause upset. By learning to not have expectations of others, you will have more peace.

You need to follow that advice when it comes to your kids, Deni. {#Heartkiss}

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 3:53pm

BlueHeronDruid wrote:

Gotcha.

My father's folks disowned him when he married my mother, a Catholic. Mom was not welcome in their home, but we were.

I remember my grandparents fondly. I give my mother a lot of credit for keeping that channel open. Dad would take us over, and we'd spend the afternoon. I was just a wee kid. I didn't learn about any of this until I was almost a teenager and they were long dead.

Good luck.

I used to drive to Cleveland once or twice a year so the kids could see their paternal grandparents, even though their own father wouldn't go. Now I am sorry I did, since my son recently told me how much he hated them and the wat they treated him. They really were jerks.

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 3:27pm

BlueHeronDruid wrote:

Gotcha.

My father's folks disowned him when he married my mother, a Catholic. Mom was not welcome in their home, but we were.

I remember my grandparents fondly. I give my mother a lot of credit for keeping that channel open. Dad would take us over, and we'd spend the afternoon. I was just a wee kid. I didn't learn about any of this until I was almost a teenager and they were long dead.

Good luck.

Major props to your Mom.

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 3:25pm

Romulus wrote:

Those faults are solely directed at me, not the kids. They spoil them alot with their good traits... they just annoy me with their faults. My goal is to look past them, they are subtle, passive aggressive.

Expectations cause upset. By learning to not have expectations of others, you will have more peace.

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 3:23pm

Romulus wrote:

Those faults are solely directed at me, not the kids. They spoil them alot with their good traits... they just annoy me with their faults. My goal is to look past them, they are subtle, passive aggressive.

Gotcha.

My father's folks disowned him when he married my mother, a Catholic. Mom was not welcome in their home, but we were.

I remember my grandparents fondly. I give my mother a lot of credit for keeping that channel open. Dad would take us over, and we'd spend the afternoon. I was just a wee kid. I didn't learn about any of this until I was almost a teenager and they were long dead.

Good luck.

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 3:17pm

BlueHeronDruid wrote:

Question: for whose benefit do you keep the relationship open? Your children? You want them exposed to that kind of thing?

Those faults are solely directed at me, not the kids. They spoil them alot with their good traits... they just annoy me with their faults. My goal is to look past them, they are subtle, passive aggressive.

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 3:11pm

Romulus wrote:

believe me.. i try... but when the relationship makes you feel like shit, every other time, you dont feel like being a part of their life.

and I've told them, they get mad at me, like how dare I upset them and get mad at them.

if it weren't for the grandkids... there would be no love lost.

there is a therapist in the next office... i'm going to hit him up sometime. lol

mediator or arbitrator

doesn't matter, go for it

there's only one sure way to find out whether or not something works and that's to try it

please don't wait for a tragedy to reconcile...

you'll find it's all small stuff

peace and good luck {#Good-vibes}

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 3:05pm

Romulus wrote:

believe me.. i try... but when the relationship makes you feel like shit, every other time, you dont feel like being a part of their life.

and I've told them, they get mad at me, like how dare I upset them and get mad at them.

if it weren't for the grandkids... there would be no love lost.

there is a therapist in the next office... i'm going to hit him up sometime. lol

Question: for whose benefit do you keep the relationship open? Your children? You want them exposed to that kind of thing?

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 3:04pm

oldslabsides wrote:

Family is an excuse to hangout with people you wouldn't associate with otherwise.

more like an obligation.

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 3:02pm

miamizsun wrote:

to everyone

whatever it is, let it go

make peace while you still can

or at least make a valiant effort

{#Good-vibes}

believe me.. i try... but when the relationship makes you feel like shit, every other time, you dont feel like being a part of their life.

and I've told them, they get mad at me, like how dare I upset them and get mad at them.

if it weren't for the grandkids... there would be no love lost.

there is a therapist in the next office... i'm going to hit him up sometime. lol

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 2:59pm

cc_rider wrote:

What would you do if they were not family?

Family is an excuse to hangout with people you wouldn't associate with otherwise.

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 2:57pm

cc_rider wrote:

What would you do if they were not family?

i know... but grandkids involved.

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 2:55pm

to everyone

whatever it is, let it go

make peace while you still can

or at least make a valiant effort

{#Good-vibes}

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 2:47pm

how much time you got????

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 2:26pm

Romulus wrote:

Selfish, envious, egotistical, greedy parents.

How to deal?

What would you do if they were not family?

Posted: Jun 19, 2012 - 2:22pm

Selfish, envious, egotistical, greedy parents.

How to deal?

Posted: Dec 13, 2011 - 10:14am

MsJudi wrote:

(SNIP)

So now, how do I have them here at my house? How do I feed them? How do I shop for stocking stuffers and cookie fixings and make punch on Christmas Eve without wondering if, secretly, they are sneering at us and our happy little tradition?

Uninvite them? I have the right to do so, I know. But it's not who I am... it may be who THEY are, but it isn't who I am. Try to talk to them about it? Not possible- the last time I tried to talk to my mother about something that was bothering me, she stopped speaking to me for three weeks. They are NOT open to things like, "Hey, guys, we have this little thing that's bothering us, do you think we could try to work it out?" That is a perfect recipe for screaming, tears, and "Why are you doing this to us???" scenes.

Truthfully, I'm heartbroken over the whole thing. Christmas Eve has always been our fun time together... family and friends come and sit and eat and play games and crash on the floor and it's a hoot, we've always cherished it. But this year, it's just all tension and strain and I have no motivation to do any of the things that bring me such joy every year.

{#Frustrated}

Maybe you could relate a story to them.

A long time ago, you see, there were three men who looked up at the sky a lot. They were astrologers, and spent many hours gazing at the night sky. They noticed a peculiar phenomenon, something astronomers call a "heliacal rising" - a new star becoming visible on the horizon. Curious, they traveled in the direction that they first saw the star; like any heliacal rising, the star gradually became visible for a longer and longer time each day and seemed to be moving slowly westward. Their travels brought them to a city where they asked if a new king was being crowned (in those days royal ascensions were believed to often be accompanied by celestial signs). The king who lived in the city and had been installed by the occupying invaders asked his advisors if they new of any prophecy regarding a king of the occupied people appearing. When they mentioned a prophesy of such a ruler being born in a little town 6 miles away, the three astrologers headed towards the little town. When they arrived they went to the abode of a newborn boy, and asked to be able to honor the boy with gifts on the assumption that he was the king foretold in the prophecy. Even though the three men were strangers and did not share their religion, the mother and father welcomed the men into their home and permitted the three men to pay homage to their son, and bestow valuable gifts as tributes. In their gratitude, the three men declined to inform the occupier king of the child's whereabouts on their way back to their homeland.

For Christians the whole reason for the holiday is to celebrate what they consider the miraculous birth of Jesus. Since the actual birth was such an ecumenical event, shared and celebrated by people of different faiths/beliefs, it is only fitting that it be commemorated together by people of different faiths. Most Christian homes that celebrate Christmas will have various symbols that recreate the story above; there is a Nativity set with animals, a baby lying on a pile of straw, a star on the tree representing the Star of Bethlehem, etc. Thus, celebrations of the birth of Christ wouldn't be complete without a few non-Christians hanging about, to represent the Magi, just like Jesus' actual birth. Your parents should be honored to have real, live non-Christians on hand, so as to not have to settle for the little statue kind.

Posted: Dec 13, 2011 - 10:01am

sirdroseph wrote:

Reminds me of a health club I used to work at. It was owned by a Korean Grand Master in Tae-Kwan-Do. His nephew who taught at the club was a Master and he would make sure that you knew the difference! {#Lol}

Posted: Dec 13, 2011 - 10:00am

MsJudi wrote:

Grand Master, get it right! {#Lol}

I can relate.

My mother once checked herself into the psych ward, then checked herself, and the dr. said to me "I don't know whether she manipulated her way in or manipulated her way out."

I said to the dr., "What can I do about this?" And he said "Don't treat your own children the same way." I am not kidding.