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Cousins in the 60's   

Posted by katzendogs - May 13, 2012 - 1:38pm
I just heard the most disturbing news of my life.
Over 50 yrs. ago I set up a date for my visiting cousin from California in Ohio. She tells me she was 12 or 13 at the time and going to our middle school.   She met a boy that she wanted to go out with. To the County Fair he told her. Jeff was a friend of mine so I arranged it. Now I new that they had done the dirty deed after the date and thought it was consensual. I was jealous in fact although she is a 1st cousin. Hey! Hormones have no brains!

To my amazement today I have talked to her oldest brother when I told him we have had only sporadic contact through the years and he told me that she did not want to talk to me. Come to find out I had set her up for a date rape when she was in Ohio. Which I did not! She was raped and beat up by this guy and I did not know. I'm trying furiously to bring these old known days back into my brain but it will be tough. This was the 60's. 

Pat. Again I am so sorry this happened. If I have my way, this guy will get his just reward.
Promise, your cousin Jay 
11 comments on this journal entry.    [ add yours ]
BlueHeronDruid

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Posted: May 14, 2012 - 12:22pm

What Kurtster said. You know in your heart that you would NEVER have set them up if you'd known what would happen. Trying to make amends with your cousin may help with your own feelings, but don't take on the responsibility for the ugly assault. Maybe her way of healing is to keep you at bay, so as to not bring life to any memories. Hold love in your heart, Jay!
cc_rider
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Location: Austin Texas. Y'all.


Posted: May 14, 2012 - 11:03am

Damn, that's awful, every part of it. Wish I knew what to say or do.

All of my suggestions involve a blowtorch and a pair of pliers, which clearly are not appropriate at this juncture.
Antigone

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Location: A house, in a Virginian Valley


Posted: May 14, 2012 - 5:24am

I don't really know what to say ... but didn't want to say nothing ... I'll just echo what Kurt said.


meower

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Location: i believe, i believe, it's silly, but I believe


Posted: May 14, 2012 - 4:07am

I can't imagine how you're feeling J.  I hope that your cousin is able to move on with her own feelings toward you. So sorry to hear this story.
kurtster
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Location: Back in Ohiya, for now ...


Posted: May 14, 2012 - 3:30am

Let it go.  People do get what they deserve eventually, even if you are not arround to see it happen.  I have learned that over the years.  You cannot hold yourself responsible.  You weren't and kicking yourself in the ass or finding him and doing something similar ain't gonna make it any different or better.  This has simply got to be a horrid thought to fill your head with after too many years and as you said, not now.

Good luck with your cousin.  Write her a letter expressing that you did not know and how badly you feel about it now.   We don't know how people deal with these things in their minds over years, the walls and insulations built to contain certain memories.  Just send it or not.  Writing the letter will help you put it in a box and if you actually mail it, you have made an attempt at amends and left the door open for a dialog that may or may not be wanted on her part.  But at least you cared enough to try and that means everything.

{#Hug}
Coaxial
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Location: 543 miles west of Paradis,1491 miles east of Paradise


Posted: May 14, 2012 - 12:46am

Sad. You were not responsible.{#Meditate}
Xeric
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Location: Montana


Posted: May 13, 2012 - 5:40pm

Jay, your intentions were good.  Unless you were somehow grossly negligent (that is, unless you had some reason to expect that that's what the asshole was planning on doing), then you did no real wrong here.  Now, your cousin, holding this anger and resentment for fifty years?  She's got some work to do. . . .
arighter2
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Location: dubuque


Posted: May 13, 2012 - 3:13pm

That's awful. Just remember that you're intentions were good. Good luck mending things.
winter
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Location: in exile, as always


Posted: May 13, 2012 - 3:09pm


katzendogs

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Posted: May 13, 2012 - 2:42pm

I did not need this now. not now. But I will somehow make amends to Pat. Wow. just wow.
BlueHeronDruid

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Posted: May 13, 2012 - 2:00pm





Breathe...