I'll precede this by saying I'm a very trusting individual. Probably too trusting.

Today was the first, but probably not the last, weird parenting scenario I've experienced, not of my own doing.

Our son has been riding his bike over to a classmate's home recently. Charlie knows this boy from school, a classmate, that lives across the street from our local school. It's a ride of approximately 3 blocks from our house. He's been over there a few times now that school is out, but he's never  been invited inside. That's okay with me, because they've played on the school playground, all within sight of said child's mother. She's never called here or attempted to contact me here at our house though Charlie has recited our phone number to her. He doesn't stay long, told by me to not be there more than an hour before he's to come home. I do this not as a control but as a practice of independence and time telling.

Today, he asked if he could go there. I said yes. He asked if the little boy could come here to play. Again, I said yes. I sent my name, street address and phone number with him on a piece of paper that he put directly in his pocket. It wasn't too long until the little boy's mother called. She told me, over the phone, that she "never lets her children go play at other people's houses. Some bad things happened when I was a child and so that's that." I said I understood and that Charlie should be sent home. She told me "it's nothing personal..." I said I understood but he could come home. Now. Augusta had accompanied him there and I was about to hop in the car to go fetch them.

As it happened, Charlie didn't receive that instruction. At that very moment  that I was heading to the car, upset over the phone conversation, he came riding up on his bike, to ask for a piece of gum. It was at that point that I had to tell him that he couldn't return to his friend's house.

I'm truly sorry for what happened to this particular little boy's mother. More importantly, I know abuse and the tendency toward abuse does not stop in a generation.  I don't  know what message this woman was trying to send: I'm in need of assistance, I'm giving you a warning, or I'm the most distrustful individual walking the planet and you and yours do not measure up.

No matter what, I'm not going to find out. I'm busy. I'm entrusted in my profession to care and educate the children of this community. I have been fingerprinted. I love my children and keep their safety first and foremost. I don't have room for anyone's crazy. Most of all, I don't appreciate the judgement. Yes, I'm mama bear. If you doesn't see, upon meeting my children, that they will be the sweetest, most true and most stable children a child could hope to meet, then you don't deserve them to befriend your child and they don't get to be part of your life.

Feel free to pm me if I've taken the wrong tack with this. Charlie is VERY upset with me, even though I explained to him it was nothing he did, nothing I did, nothing WE did. I had to have a conversation with him, as a 7 year old, that was beyond his understanding and had us both in tears. I can't force someone to trust me, no matter what I say or do. Either a person trusts or they don't, no matter the baggage. And, not to discount anyone's experience, but if the episode(s) were so bad... why have children? Why risk the chance that their child might suffer the direct abuse of another? Isn't it more cruel to raise a child without trust, peer isolation and a guarantee of exclusion?

(I've worked on some resolution with Charlie. His heart is broken by this loss of his friend. We have encouraged him to play a little more with a nice little boy in our neighborhood and he's off now visiting him. It'll all be okay, but I think I have some work to do to get over this. I guess we'll see how I do...)


This photo is not actually related to this story, but I just want to show the soul that resides in my heart and in this house...