Journal of mem_313

Gatherer
Posted: Nov 16, 2011 - 6:27am

This Script song has been stuck in my head since I heard it on Thursday. Its way poppy, cheesy, and corny. The reverb set on this mans voice, the soft simple harmonies that fit underneath, and the words that repeat soothe me in a "message fits here" spot. Some days those types of melodies keep your feet walking forward. I will never forget the first set of tunes that got my feet walking with purpose, Mr. Elton John, with his album Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. Subsequently, I went through a progression of piano players, as the sound of a piano sings to my soul like a rain storm. Music awakens me to thoughts and visions directing me to transcribe events into words with a creative necessity.

In our lives we follow the series of events and are masters of destiny in a precarious way. Control is just a plank we stand on over an infinity of opportunities. Don't be afraid of that singular ...

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That Day... a personal account.
Posted: Oct 13, 2011 - 6:32pm

Yesterday I was talking with a true friend about that day. She asked me if I had sent you a message telling you all the things I thought about our encounter. I have sent you thoughts, but I also I know I haven't revealed my true feelings to you. I have tried. I let your lack of connection or response guide my actions. My heart is guarded, I blame history and I label it damage control. If I choose to live there, what will I get in return? The same. A cold hell that only echos a voice of longing and desire, with none of the vibrations being able to exit that room. Sad lonely tones of my own ...

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when your down and troubled...
Posted: Apr 18, 2011 - 7:19am

I have absolutely NO troubles. My life is handing me oranges and I am making lemonade out of them. {#Frustrated}

How do you stop your madness? Help.... {#Ask}

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A defining moment
Posted: Feb 20, 2011 - 3:21am

All my life I have found amazing things and then lost them. All my life I have loved deeply. It’s not an option; it’s who I am. I am not sure that fits most people’s definition of love. I may not be the person who collects souvenirs, but I do understand their value. I may not be the person who follows tradition, but I know that new traditions may be my life’s value. I may not be the most beautiful person on the outside, but inside I mean something to everyone that sees me, good or bad. I think that sticking with knowing myself has hardened me in a lot of ways. Choosing to be a single mom reminds me of that stubbornness. I haven’t ever really suffered. I am still not sure I know who I am, but that may just be instability of my physical circumstance in the now. I have been stubborn to stick by my choices always. I choose to believe in people, no matter what. Even when they lie to me and let me down. I had an ...

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How to believe.
Posted: Feb 12, 2011 - 8:53pm

I am in an interesting position right now. The universe has put me to the test. Its giving me exactly what I asked for in some ways and denied me completely in others. does anyone really have an answer why we must suffer to succeed???? how do you believe in yourself???

i recently learned to reward myself with the knowledge everything happens for a reason and I am destined for greatness. {#High-five}

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TALK to me
Posted: Jan 28, 2011 - 10:52am

Cuz hey... its kinda BORING today... {#Crashcomp}

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Single Parent Doubts
Posted: Dec 1, 2010 - 1:05pm

I have been hitting the wall lately with a thought that is dragging me down. I chose to be a single mother and now that things are beginning to get interesting I feel like I may not have done the boy or myself justice in choosing to keep him. There were just so many signs from the universe in the direction of having that kind of love in my life. Recently, I find myself being selfish, self pitying and feeling lonely.

He is a joy, full of hope and dreams. I know he isn’t unhappy mostly. I do hear him saying, “Mommy play with me more”. And there is the guilt of not having enough time to spend with him as well. Being a single parent isn’t for the meek! I do have the strength to accomplish, but I am feeling run down.

I struggle with self esteem issues and maybe I am just using this as an excuse to “find one more thing that I can’t do right”. Maybe it’s too much work and not enough ...

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Journey Forward
Posted: Oct 9, 2010 - 4:53am

I always wanted to be that person that could be accepting and non-judgemental of the people I love. I have come a long way in that department. I just don't feel that I have made it completely. I continually listen to self help. I am working on my self esteem every day. How is it I have "expectations" and regret? Riddle me this.

New Orleans Sunday Oct 4th
Posted: Sep 23, 2010 - 11:58am

To whom it may concern,

I will be in New Orleans on Sunday October 4th and was hoping to hook up with some RPeeps and have some fun! Anyone interested? or have a place I could crash for the evening? My flight out is Monday at 8 am...

anyone? anyone?

bueller?

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Self Employment Training
Posted: Sep 17, 2010 - 9:19am

Yep. I have started Self Employment Training. I am ready to head out on my own at some point in the near future. For now? I am in training!

So many ideas rolling around in my head in the process of writing this business plan, marketing plan, networking, etc. This training provides education in writing these plans, along with cash-flow projections, etc. As a requirement for my "homework", I am looking for some "interview" style feedback. I have to do research on people that are self employed. (My field consists of, Illustration, Graphics, Retail Production, Marketing, Advertising, etc). Questions like, why are you self employed, how long have you had your own business, etc.from people that own their own businesses.

Are there any of you willing to share some information with me? Please leave me a message or a PM so that I can connect with you on this. I am grateful to have a place i can get some sage advice about how to walk down ...

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Send Positive Vibes... thank you for pushing them through!
Posted: Aug 31, 2010 - 8:42pm

I established an intention to take two classes this fall. I was hoping that part of the funding would come from a job that was requested from me in July. I have yet to settle the "particulars" of this project. Now I am in jeopardy of not being able to follow through with my desire of pursuing this next step.

Please send positive vibes in regards to creating the necessary funds to move to the next level. I believe it will show up at the time I need it. I need you to believe it also.

Thank you so much for all your positive energy.

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Magic
Posted: Feb 18, 2010 - 7:32am

While in the shower today I reflected upon something a "life trainer" had to say to me. "Always remember the child inside."

As I look back to childhood, the things I remember most are my vivid imagination and belief system that anything was possible. The world was full of magic. Older now and bit more beaten down, I am having a difficult time finding the "magic" in life, even in the face of beautiful events and loving moments.

How do you revive the magic of childhood in your life, outside of your pets or children or friends. For your true inner self, how do you revive your "magic"?

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Desiderata
Posted: Dec 25, 2009 - 6:35am

The Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,

even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however ...

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Definitions ala Washington Post
Posted: Jan 4, 2009 - 4:03pm

I always love these submissions and winners...

Once again, The Washington Post has published its winning submissions to their yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
...

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Another Graceful Display
Posted: Oct 6, 2008 - 4:31am

My life is a comedy of errors.. Another fall. This time I am at the Shoreline Beach Cafe We decide to sit up on the deck as its more stable for a gimpy gal. The 16 year old hostess sets us at table that was so wobbly, if the wind blew it would have spilt your water. I asked my friends, this isn't good is it? In case I needed to get a grip, I would be SOL. We asked if we could move to the next table. Wood, sturdy, etc. I turn my chair slightly to raise myself out of it slowly. The next thing I know the chair breaks and I am going DOWN!!!!! No one at my table was close enough to help. The men (I use that term as a gender descriptor ONLY) at the table next to us laugh. People are staring at me. Someone says, now that's embarrassing. For who me? or them? The chairs were the stack able ones you pick up at Costco cheap for outdoor dining. Again I say, what do I have to ...

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Trains, Pains, and Visiting Nurse.
Posted: Oct 2, 2008 - 3:34am

Well.. its halfway done. Tuesday I went to see Dr. "winner of the no bedside manner award for 5 years running". His assistant, "I can only laugh at my own jokes" Brian, cut off the cast. Then, the frankenstaples were removed. Omfreakingosh was I sorry I didn't take any pain meds before I did that journey to the doc. It Hurt. Being the super healer that I am, some skin had grown over the staples... yea. Good thing he found those. And I got a chance to get GOOOOOD itch in on that leg... felt so orgasmic to scratch it for a few mins. I questioned then requested a colored cast. They had purple (my fav color)! Now, I ask you, who could resist a hobbled lady in a purple cast? Not the old guy out in the parking lot oh no...

So, I am three more weeks in this beauty, then on to 6 weeks in ...

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Four more weeks, then six.
Posted: Sep 25, 2008 - 2:31am

So the doc says to me yesterday... Looking good! Yea and that's what it looked like before he put on a hard cast. I guess its a good sign. Bad news? well its not bad news, just realism. I have 4 more weeks non weight bearing. Then a following 6 weeks in a walking cast.12 weeks of TLC to my new ankle.

To date? I have fallen twice. Once in the bathroom, someone didn't wipe up after their shower and once right after I left the drs. office yesterday. Literally in the lobby of that medical building. I am an expert faller though. I threw my bad leg out from underneath me and it never touched the ground. Stunt Mel, oh yea. ;-)

My parents came just in the nick of time to help me with the first three weeks. (I admire my parents so much by the way without them, this wouldn't be happening. Literally. They are wonderful generous people, and will ...

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Parents to the rescue...
Posted: Sep 15, 2008 - 6:15am

Houston might have been closed, but Austin was open. Parents drove to Austin, catching a flight today. My son is spared having to be taken care of by strangers while mommy is drugged and recuperating.

The long awaited, highly publicized ankle fusion surgery is tomorrow morning at 6:15 am. Which is good because that whole fasting before surgery thing is a nuisance!

I am ready for the recovery battle armed with some spiritual healing art therapy style books, find a word puzzles and some harlequin romances from my best friend in Jr. High (roflol)a. Oh, and a kids book to illustrate. :painter emoticon here:
Prayers and good vibes. Its going to be a saving grace. I am excited, but as any surgery, its a risk till its over. See you all on the other side!

...

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the update
Posted: Aug 9, 2008 - 2:11am

I am writing this journal for my cousin arighter. He and I have had a "connection" since my early times here at RP. He was wondering what was up. Here is what is up. I am going to apologize for not being here more often to those that care. I do lurk and observe occasionally, but back-scrolling and trying to keep up is impossible with my real life scenario. I can't even effectively maintain my home much less try to make sense of the forums anymore.

That being said, I am looking forward to seeing my buddy Alexandra soon. I miss RPeep meet-ups. I am slipping away from here but life is cyclic. Whats really important is my son's happiness and my sanity! OMG he is going to be five years old next saturday (come to the party!!!) and starting school by the end of the month. I can't believe it. Time is really moving. Parenting is not for the weak at heart. Nor the undisciplined and that one has me by the short hairs. I am about as disciplined as Alice in ...

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Begging and Pleeding
Posted: Apr 6, 2008 - 12:29pm

NOt really. I am moving next Saturday, and I have two very generous men donating their trucks, but I do need some hefty arms to help out.

Anyone in the Santa Barbara area on Sat the 12th? I promise some kind of food or beverage reward. Not sure what that will be yet

It's going to be an easy move. Bottom floor to bottom floor, and I will have a two wheeler.

Thanks in advance for any assistance.

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