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Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » Caretakers Of Our Parents Page: 1, 2, 3 ... 45, 46, 47  Next
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Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Libra
Chinese Yr: Horse


Posted: Jun 19, 2015 - 11:03am

 islander wrote:

We're on the same path here. Mom-in-law is down to about 120 (from 140 last year). She is only occasionally interested in food (usually when we go out to an expensive dinner with lots of wine!). She complains about not fitting into her clothes and not having any energy, but has trouble making the connection to not eating.  We've had a few steps forward with different meds, but I think it's just as much occasional upticks when she gets out a bit too. The warmer weather seems to help a bit. Unfortunately, it's always followed with two steps back. There's nothing really specific wrong with her, but I can tell she's just tired and has given up a lot.  It's hard to watch - we need better end of life options (hopefully before I get there).

 
 

Yeah, same here. Mom doesn't play much Scrabble anymore, preferring to just sit and watch TV or sit and do nothing in the common area. Most of the time (and especially in my phone calls to her) she is perfectly content.

 

I know that one's 90s are the time of life where little by little you lose interest in food and you are okay with doing nothing, and just BEING. Because you're fragile and tired. But usually...that is a beginning-of-the-end-sign.

 

I told my mom last Christmas that if she needed to fly away and was ready—to go ahead and go and not worry if she somehow sensed my inability to let her go...that I'd deal with it.


islander
Dog is my copilot
islander Avatar

Location: Seattle
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Scorpio
Chinese Yr: Cock


Posted: Jun 19, 2015 - 10:54am

 Alexandra wrote:
The last two visits my sisters made to Mom in her facility (I was reading our Mom blog) reveal her appetite diminishing even more. Two bites per meal...and even turning down dessert! (she never does that)
 
I know it's normal. But it's often a sign.....
 


 
We're on the same path here. Mom-in-law is down to about 120 (from 140 last year). She is only occasionally interested in food (usually when we go out to an expensive dinner with lots of wine!). She complains about not fitting into her clothes and not having any energy, but has trouble making the connection to not eating.  We've had a few steps forward with different meds, but I think it's just as much occasional upticks when she gets out a bit too. The warmer weather seems to help a bit. Unfortunately, it's always followed with two steps back. There's nothing really specific wrong with her, but I can tell she's just tired and has given up a lot.  It's hard to watch - we need better end of life options (hopefully before I get there).
GeneP59
PROUD 2 B FROM BOSTON!
GeneP59 Avatar

Location: On the edge of tomorrow looking back at yesterday.
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rat


Posted: Jun 19, 2015 - 10:46am

 Alexandra wrote:
The last two visits my sisters made to Mom in her facility (I was reading our Mom blog) reveal her appetite diminishing even more. Two bites per meal...and even turning down dessert! (she never does that)
 
I know it's normal. But it's often a sign.....
 


 
Yes I don't want to think about it. Mom was weighed at her Dr's appointment Wed and she's down to 92 Lbs, down from 93 in Dec.

{#Hug} 
Coaxial
SHINE ON
Coaxial Avatar

Location: 543 miles west of Paradis,1491 miles east of Paradise
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Dragon


Posted: Jun 19, 2015 - 5:21am

 Alexandra wrote:
The last two visits my sisters made to Mom in her facility (I was reading our Mom blog) reveal her appetite diminishing even more. Two bites per meal...and even turning down dessert! (she never does that)
 
I know it's normal. But it's often a sign.....
 


 
{#Hug}
bokey
Bokey
bokey Avatar

Location: No place for the weary kind
Gender: Male


Posted: Jun 18, 2015 - 10:39pm

 Alexandra wrote:
The last two visits my sisters made to Mom in her facility (I was reading our Mom blog) reveal her appetite diminishing even more. Two bites per meal...and even turning down dessert! (she never does that)
 
I know it's normal. But it's often a sign.....
 


 
 Sadly,you're right and I hope you are prepared.I'd put out a buffet of stuff for Pops and he'd just take a couple bites and go back to sleep.Get ready,it's not a good ride.I wish I knew more to say.{#Hug}
Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Libra
Chinese Yr: Horse


Posted: Jun 18, 2015 - 9:37pm

The last two visits my sisters made to Mom in her facility (I was reading our Mom blog) reveal her appetite diminishing even more. Two bites per meal...and even turning down dessert! (she never does that)
 
I know it's normal. But it's often a sign.....
 

Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Libra
Chinese Yr: Horse


Posted: Jan 27, 2015 - 12:32pm

Note to self: DO NOT mention the prices of expensive things like apartments, cars, etc. to a demented parent whose concept of money/value/inflation over time disintegrated in the 90s. It just opens up a big can of WORRY for her.
 
 
I should've just lied. "A hundred dollars a month, Mom. That's my rent."
GeneP59
PROUD 2 B FROM BOSTON!
GeneP59 Avatar

Location: On the edge of tomorrow looking back at yesterday.
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rat


Posted: Jan 19, 2015 - 11:39am

 Alexandra wrote:
And then an extra-long hug, because who knows when/if I will see her again.
 
Last Hug Goodbye 

 
{#Cry}  Nice!  {#Hug}
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: Jan 18, 2015 - 7:49pm

 Alexandra wrote:
Photos from my holiday visits with Mom in her facility...I was so grateful for the long string of lucid days Mom had (with her mild dementia)...I took her for drives in the country, walked her to a lookout over a gorge/waterfall, spent hours watching old movies and eating home-cooked meals with her...and talking with her friends. It was a blessed visit, and I'm glad the airlines dictated me staying for a full 2 weeks. I didn't know if Mom would survive the winter, and I wanted to savor her presence as much as possible.
 

 
 
It was a 3-sister afternoon one Sunday....one of whom cut and styled Mom's hair
 
3 Sister Afternoon with Mom
 
 
And then on my last night with her...another big sister and I brought her dinner and spent all day with her
 
Dinner with Mom
 
 
And then an extra-long hug, because who knows when/if I will see her again.
 
Last Hug Goodbye 

 
So wonderful, Alex. {#Hug}
haresfur
I get around
haresfur Avatar

Location: The Golden Triangle Australia
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 18, 2015 - 7:36pm

 Alexandra wrote:

 
Dinner with Mom
 
I see where you get your smile {#Good-vibes}
Red_Dragon
y ddraig goch ddyry gychwyn
Red_Dragon Avatar

Location: Republican Jesusland


Posted: Jan 18, 2015 - 7:18pm

 Alexandra wrote:
Photos from my holiday visits with Mom in her facility...I was so grateful for the long string of lucid days Mom had (with her mild dementia)...I took her for drives in the country, walked her to a lookout over a gorge/waterfall, spent hours watching old movies and eating home-cooked meals with her...and talking with her friends. It was a blessed visit, and I'm glad the airlines dictated me staying for a full 2 weeks. I didn't know if Mom would survive the winter, and I wanted to savor her presence as much as possible.
 

 
 
It was a 3-sister afternoon one Sunday....one of whom cut and styled Mom's hair
 
3 Sister Afternoon with Mom
 
 
And then on my last night with her...another big sister and I brought her dinner and spent all day with her
 
Dinner with Mom
 
 
And then an extra-long hug, because who knows when/if I will see her again.
 
Last Hug Goodbye 

 
{#Good-vibes}
Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Libra
Chinese Yr: Horse


Posted: Jan 18, 2015 - 7:06pm

Photos from my holiday visits with Mom in her facility...I was so grateful for the long string of lucid days Mom had (with her mild dementia)...I took her for drives in the country, walked her to a lookout over a gorge/waterfall, spent hours watching old movies and eating home-cooked meals with her...and talking with her friends. It was a blessed visit, and I'm glad the airlines dictated me staying for a full 2 weeks. I didn't know if Mom would survive the winter, and I wanted to savor her presence as much as possible.
 

 
 
It was a 3-sister afternoon one Sunday....one of whom cut and styled Mom's hair
 
3 Sister Afternoon with Mom
 
 
And then on my last night with her...another big sister and I brought her dinner and spent all day with her
 
Dinner with Mom
 
 
And then an extra-long hug, because who knows when/if I will see her again.
 
Last Hug Goodbye 
islander
Dog is my copilot
islander Avatar

Location: Seattle
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Scorpio
Chinese Yr: Cock


Posted: Jan 3, 2015 - 10:27am

 MsJudi wrote:

Thank you! {#Kiss}

We're gonna go see a lawyer this week, wish us luck. I am more than confused about all this crap.

 
here's the bit from the Dallas county court:

Only a licensed attorney may represent a third person or entity in a judicial proceeding in the State of Texas. In most probate or guardianship cases, an individual applicant is not truly representing only himself, rather he or she is attempting to represent another person or persons such as beneficiaries, heirs, or the estate itself. Unless the applicant is a licensed attorney, filing an application to probate a will without an attorney constitutes the unauthorized practice of law and will not be allowed by the Court. In certain limited circumstances a person may act without an attorney. For more information please contact an attorney or one of the courts. 

I was able to do this in Dallas with no trouble at all.  
islander
Dog is my copilot
islander Avatar

Location: Seattle
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Scorpio
Chinese Yr: Cock


Posted: Jan 3, 2015 - 10:24am

 BlueHeronDruid wrote:

Right. So you have to submit the will to get the court's approval as executor. Pretty much everything else you can do yourself. Let me know if I can help you.

 
My mom died in Dallas and I faced the same "have to be a licensed attorney" thing. But her estate was dead simple (thanks Mom!) and I already had control of pretty much everything, so I just went in to the court clerk and filed the will with them.  The only thing that was somewhat odd was her car title, but I found a stamp with her signature in her stuff and we just backdated the title and sold it to a cousin.

Judy - How much of an estate is there and how many people have legitimate claims to it. It might be easier to just get everyone together and discuss it (I don't know how your family is, this may not be doable). The death certificates should come from the coroner (they made me a dozen extra copies with a simple ask). That will let close out stuff. If you were a signer on the bank account, that should persist.  If the family in't expecting much and there isn't real property to handle you won't need to do a lot of the probate stuff. You'll be below the income tax limits and if no one is arguing over stuff it might be easier just to handle it outside the court (still file the death certificate and will). 

I'd be happy to PM/e-mail my experiences. If it's not a big or contentious estate, you shouldn't need much if any lawyer time.
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: Jan 2, 2015 - 9:04pm

 BlueHeronDruid wrote:

Right. So you have to submit the will to get the court's approval as executor. Pretty much everything else you can do yourself. Let me know if I can help you.

 
Thank you! {#Kiss}

We're gonna go see a lawyer this week, wish us luck. I am more than confused about all this crap.
BlueHeronDruid

BlueHeronDruid Avatar



Posted: Jan 2, 2015 - 6:33pm

 MsJudi wrote:

Yes, me. He has a will.

 
Right. So you have to submit the will to get the court's approval as executor. Pretty much everything else you can do yourself. Let me know if I can help you.
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: Jan 2, 2015 - 6:30pm

 BlueHeronDruid wrote:

PM for U. Did he name an executor? or did he die without a will?

 
Yes, me. He has a will.
BlueHeronDruid

BlueHeronDruid Avatar



Posted: Jan 2, 2015 - 5:59pm

 MsJudi wrote:
Now that dad has died, we're having no end of problems with "probate", so here's what we've learned so far that may help those of you taking care of your parents. These are things we wish we'd known BEFORE Dad died.

~ For one, your powers of attorney end with your parent's death. Even if you have the POA for your parents, once they've died, you are no longer recognized in any legal way.
~ Here's something really important: GET YOUR NAME ON YOUR PARENT'S BANK ACCOUNT. Not just as the POA holder, but as if that account belongs to you AND your parent. My name was on my dad's account so I could write checks for his expenses and use his debit card for his eye doctor, etc, but now all of that has ended, and although there's only a few thousand dollars in his account- money we need to cremate him and deal with the rest of the business of dying costs- we can't touch it. His cremation and all the other expenses will be coming out of our own pocket, an expense we never counted on.
~ In some states, maybe in all of them, if there's even a few hundred dollars left in 'the estate" and you are not co-owner of the account, you must file the will in probate court, and you cannot do that yourself- only a lawyer can do that! The one we contacted today told us he charged 1000 for a retainer, and 250/hour. At that rate, all of the money left in dad's estate will go to lawyers, period.
~ Buy your parent life insurance and name yourself or a sibling as beneficiary. If we had only known to do that, the insurance would pay the funeral home. We (wrongly!) assumed that we could pay that expense out of his bank account and we can't. The cost of a basic cremation is about 2500.00. Folks, that only includes a few copies of the death certificate (you'll need about 8 of them) and a cardboard box. Plan accordingly when buying insurance, depending on the type of burial/service/coffin/etc you and your parent wants.

As we learn more, I'll post it here.

 
PM for U. Did he name an executor? or did he die without a will?
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: Jan 2, 2015 - 5:52pm

 haresfur wrote:

So sorry for all the complications. I don't know if it is the same where you are but when my mother died my brother was executor of the will and could manage the estate prior to probate so he could pay the expenses.  He could sell the property and distribute the estate. Since we all get along and supported each other through the process (worth far more than the money IMO), we just split everything up and didn't 'finalize' everything through probate. The only reason for probate would have been if there was some disagreement.

 
In the US? Which state?
haresfur
I get around
haresfur Avatar

Location: The Golden Triangle Australia
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 2, 2015 - 5:27pm

 MsJudi wrote:
Now that dad has died, we're having no end of problems with "probate", so here's what we've learned so far that may help those of you taking care of your parents. These are things we wish we'd known BEFORE Dad died.

~ For one, your powers of attorney end with your parent's death. Even if you have the POA for your parents, once they've died, you are no longer recognized in any legal way.
~ Here's something really important: GET YOUR NAME ON YOUR PARENT'S BANK ACCOUNT. Not just as the POA holder, but as if that account belongs to you AND your parent. My name was on my dad's account so I could write checks for his expenses and use his debit card for his eye doctor, etc, but now all of that has ended, and although there's only a few thousand dollars in his account- money we need to cremate him and deal with the rest of the business of dying costs- we can't touch it. His cremation and all the other expenses will be coming out of our own pocket, an expense we never counted on.
~ In some states, maybe in all of them, if there's even a few hundred dollars left in 'the estate" and you are not co-owner of the account, you must file the will in probate court, and you cannot do that yourself- only a lawyer can do that! The one we contacted today told us he charged 1000 for a retainer, and 250/hour. At that rate, all of the money left in dad's estate will go to lawyers, period.
~ Buy your parent life insurance and name yourself or a sibling as beneficiary. If we had only known to do that, the insurance would pay the funeral home. We (wrongly!) assumed that we could pay that expense out of his bank account and we can't. The cost of a basic cremation is about 2500.00. Folks, that only includes a few copies of the death certificate (you'll need about 8 of them) and a cardboard box. Plan accordingly when buying insurance, depending on the type of burial/service/coffin/etc you and your parent wants.

As we learn more, I'll post it here.

 
So sorry for all the complications. I don't know if it is the same where you are but when my mother died my brother was executor of the will and could manage the estate prior to probate so he could pay the expenses.  He could sell the property and distribute the estate. Since we all get along and supported each other through the process (worth far more than the money IMO), we just split everything up and didn't 'finalize' everything through probate. The only reason for probate would have been if there was some disagreement.
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