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bokey
Bokey
bokey Avatar

Location: All Mytrialsland
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 29, 2014 - 10:10pm

Oh,and Judi,when my Mom went nuts with dementia,I was the only person who she recognized,but I was more "the food guy" or "the guy to get after I've started a fire" than her son.She'd fight any hired caretakers so I was the only person she'd trust to bathe her.(Once you've bathed your Mom,you have reached a point in your life where nothing can out weird it).She'd be like"You want me to go in there?" in a no way it's not gonna happen type way during shower time.I relied on dulcet tones in a soothing voice,but sometime it didn't work.

  Once again,talk to the staff and see if they can provide the same person for his hygienic needs or maybe even hire someone from the outside he can become used to so he won't freak from the churn of a new person each time.

 I've seen some caretakers for hire who will sit around,watch TV and talk.It's a matter of comfort and lack of fear which becomes trust.

   


BlueHeronDruid
no longer accepting hot potatoes
BlueHeronDruid Avatar



Posted: Sep 29, 2014 - 9:50pm

 MsJudi wrote:

I'm open to any and all suggestions for doing that because it sounds like heaven! {#Lol} {#Hug}

 
Yeah, right? But I bet you can come up with some protections and scenarios. Let's chat.
bokey
Bokey
bokey Avatar

Location: All Mytrialsland
Gender: Male


Posted: Sep 29, 2014 - 9:42pm

 MsJudi wrote:
Bah, if there's one thing I hate with senior living facilities, it's the bait and switch. They tell you, "Oh yes, we can work within your budget, we just need to get approval from higher up!" hoping that you'll visit, fall in love with the place, and be so desperate that when they tell you they're actually more like 1500.00 above your budget, you'll cave and go along with it. This isn't the first time we've been lured into a tour of a facility that (we believe) knew from the start they couldn't get anywhere near what my dad brings in each month.

The "I DON'T NEED A BATH!" temper tantrums continue and have actually gotten worse. More yelling, more claims that the staff is lying to me, more claims to the staff that I'm lying to them, etc., etc., etc. Greg is ready to give up and walk away. I wish I could do that, but I get a bad case of the guilts after a few weeks, and give in. I may be reaching my breaking point, though, because it became very horribly obvious just this week that he is remembering if not all, then most of the conversations I've had with him about his hygiene over the last 2.5 years, and his attempts to manipulate the staff and me, while at the same time pitting us against one another, have been exposed. Whether that will be enough to shame him into taking care of his hygiene or not is yet to be seen, but I suspect there's still plenty of ugliness ahead for all of us on this topic.

 
My Pops was always dying for a bath,but it was hard for him to get in there even with help.I learned more about sponge baths than I ever wanted to know,maybe that would work better in your situation.Talk to the staff,maybe have them give him a chill pill before hand.
   During Pops 3rd of 4 hospital/rehab stays this year I had the bathroom redone.I yanked the tub,widened the door so he can wheel right up to his bathroom Nirvana and put in a tile bench and a gazillion grab bars.He loves it when he's not trying to croak off on me.
So far it's going at about ~ 1K per shower,but he's worth it to me.I hope it gets better Hon(Maryland term).{#Hug}

 
  
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: Sep 29, 2014 - 9:28pm

 BlueHeronDruid wrote:



I hope you can approach this like a non-emotionally-charged problem, rather than a family issue. It will help keep you balanced.

 
I'm open to any and all suggestions for doing that because it sounds like heaven! {#Lol} {#Hug}
BlueHeronDruid
no longer accepting hot potatoes
BlueHeronDruid Avatar



Posted: Sep 29, 2014 - 9:27pm

 MsJudi wrote:
Bah, if there's one thing I hate with senior living facilities, it's the bait and switch. They tell you, "Oh yes, we can work within your budget, we just need to get approval from higher up!" hoping that you'll visit, fall in love with the place, and be so desperate that when they tell you they're actually more like 1500.00 above your budget, you'll cave and go along with it. This isn't the first time we've been lured into a tour of a facility that (we believe) knew from the start they couldn't get anywhere near what my dad brings in each month.

The "I DON'T NEED A BATH!" temper tantrums continue and have actually gotten worse. More yelling, more claims that the staff is lying to me, more claims to the staff that I'm lying to them, etc., etc., etc. Greg is ready to give up and walk away. I wish I could do that, but I get a bad case of the guilts after a few weeks, and give in. I may be reaching my breaking point, though, because it became very horribly obvious just this week that he is remembering if not all, then most of the conversations I've had with him about his hygiene over the last 2.5 years, and his attempts to manipulate the staff and me, while at the same time pitting us against one another, have been exposed. Whether that will be enough to shame him into taking care of his hygiene or not is yet to be seen, but I suspect there's still plenty of ugliness ahead for all of us on this topic.

 


I hope you can approach this like a non-emotionally-charged problem, rather than a family issue. It will help keep you balanced.
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: Sep 29, 2014 - 9:24pm

Bah, if there's one thing I hate with senior living facilities, it's the bait and switch. They tell you, "Oh yes, we can work within your budget, we just need to get approval from higher up!" hoping that you'll visit, fall in love with the place, and be so desperate that when they tell you they're actually more like 1500.00 above your budget, you'll cave and go along with it. This isn't the first time we've been lured into a tour of a facility that (we believe) knew from the start they couldn't get anywhere near what my dad brings in each month.

The "I DON'T NEED A BATH!" temper tantrums continue and have actually gotten worse. More yelling, more claims that the staff is lying to me, more claims to the staff that I'm lying to them, etc., etc., etc. Greg is ready to give up and walk away. I wish I could do that, but I get a bad case of the guilts after a few weeks, and give in. I may be reaching my breaking point, though, because it became very horribly obvious just this week that he is remembering if not all, then most of the conversations I've had with him about his hygiene over the last 2.5 years, and his attempts to manipulate the staff and me, while at the same time pitting us against one another, have been exposed. Whether that will be enough to shame him into taking care of his hygiene or not is yet to be seen, but I suspect there's still plenty of ugliness ahead for all of us on this topic.
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: Sep 24, 2014 - 3:23pm

We got home from our NJ/Philly trip late yesterday evening and around midnight, I got a call from my father -something he never does, call so late. He was confused, agitated, scared, and lonely. He was demanding to know where his money and credit card is so he could "go home". Of course, that's an impossibility, but having him still be in Lake Jackson while we're here in Pearland (and unable to see him without a 45 minute drive) or bring him here often has become unworkable, as well. He clearly needs more of our attention, and with our work schedule, the traffic, and our general lack of daytrip time, we've decided to put our noses to the grindstone and find a facility here that would be 1) excellent, clean, and reliable, and 2) willing to work within his budget. I found one, a brand new place about 5 minutes from here, that claims they can work with what he has. They are memory-care assisted living only, so he may even be better off here than in LJ, where he gets excellent care, but nothing related to memory care. Our good luck is that Pearland is currently growing by leaps and bounds so new places are going in the ground and opening up at an amazing rate. Greg and I will be doing our due diligence on learning about this place and will take a walking tour of the facility on Friday.

Wish us luck. Moving dad will be problematic in several different ways, not all of them related strictly to him (it will lock us into living her for the length of his life right at a time when we've been considering getting out and back into the country), but ultimately, if he can make the transition, it would be better for all of us to have him close, again. I am cautiously optimistic.
bokey
Bokey
bokey Avatar

Location: All Mytrialsland
Gender: Male


Posted: Jul 25, 2014 - 5:52pm

  Facilities that offer sub-acute vs acute physical therapy are scammers and should be avoided.They do not want your loved one to improve,they want a patient they can bill Medicare for as long as they can.

   That is all.
Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Libra
Chinese Yr: Horse


Posted: Jun 18, 2014 - 8:31pm

A conversation I had with my mom when I visited her - while watching a segment about the Beat Poets in the Haight, in Aerial California:
 
 
Me: Just think, Mom...the beat poets were YOUR age.

Mom: Mm-hm. (I don't think she really remembered who they were)
 
Me: You could've been a Beatnik. Or a hippie! Some of the first hippies were your age, and they took their kids to Woodstock. You could've been a hippie at Woodstock, too!
 
Mom: Well I'm glad I wasn't! And I wouldn't have taken a baby to that concert!
 
 
 
I love her. Deep inside, no matter what happens to her brain, she'll always be Mom.
 
 
 


MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: Apr 24, 2014 - 6:23am

 bokey wrote:




 
This made me LOL for real, thank you!! I HAVE to share this over at the other place! {#Roflol}(Oh, poop, turns out that my Photoshop skills don't extend to knowing how to merge these photos into one. Ah well, still funny as hell.)


katzendogs

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Location: Pasadena, Texas
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Aquarius
Chinese Yr: Dragon


Posted: Apr 23, 2014 - 7:17pm

 bokey wrote:




 
Winner!
Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Libra
Chinese Yr: Horse


Posted: Apr 23, 2014 - 7:09pm


bokey
Bokey
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Location: All Mytrialsland
Gender: Male


Posted: Apr 23, 2014 - 7:07pm




Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Libra
Chinese Yr: Horse


Posted: Apr 23, 2014 - 6:23pm

 katzendogs wrote:

there should be a "geezer dip" somewhere. hoist him and his chair all up in there!

 
 

 
 
It could be nice and hot, like a spa, and make them feel good in the process.
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: Apr 23, 2014 - 6:09pm

 katzendogs wrote:

there should be a "geezer dip" somewhere. hoist him and his chair all up in there!

 
{#Lol}
katzendogs

katzendogs Avatar

Location: Pasadena, Texas
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Aquarius
Chinese Yr: Dragon


Posted: Apr 23, 2014 - 3:50pm

 MsJudi wrote:

I'm taking all suggestions! {#Lol}

 
there should be a "geezer dip" somewhere. hoist him and his chair all up in there!
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: Apr 23, 2014 - 3:45pm

 bokey wrote:

So I guess it woulda been OK to post the croquet mallet idea I had earlier?{#Shifty}

 
I'm taking all suggestions! {#Lol}
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: Apr 23, 2014 - 3:45pm

 katzendogs wrote:

I have no words for this situation other than to take him outside and hosing him down. How old is he? Can they withhold his food or perhaps taze him! {#Shifty}  sorry.

 
Give me the tazer gun, I'll do it myself! He's 82.
bokey
Bokey
bokey Avatar

Location: All Mytrialsland
Gender: Male


Posted: Apr 23, 2014 - 3:42pm

 katzendogs wrote:

I have no words for this situation other than to take him outside and hosing him down. How old is he? Can they withhold his food or perhaps taze him! {#Shifty}  sorry.

 
So I guess it woulda been OK to post the croquet mallet idea I had earlier?{#Shifty}
katzendogs

katzendogs Avatar

Location: Pasadena, Texas
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Aquarius
Chinese Yr: Dragon


Posted: Apr 23, 2014 - 3:39pm

 MsJudi wrote:

It's not something that can be done to him on a regular basis. And I'm beyond caring about it, anymore. I know that sounds harsh, but I've been fighting with him for three years about his terrible hygiene and dammit, I'm not his mother- if he wants to reek to high heavens, he's 7 times 3, he can make that choice.

 
I have no words for this situation other than to take him outside and hosing him down. How old is he? Can they withhold his food or perhaps taze him! {#Shifty}  sorry.
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