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Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » Caretakers Of Our Parents Page: 1, 2, 3 ... 48, 49, 50  Next
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oldviolin
ab origine
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Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Leo


Posted: May 22, 2016 - 12:35pm

 MsJudi wrote:
Thanks, all. My mother finally got him to the hospital this morning, they're running tests and will keep him overnight. The weird thing is, they aren't looking for dementia or Alzheimer's. They're looking for a UTI or some other illness. This worries me, because in my experience, 2 things are true: the loved ones of the patient aren't willing to face the prospect of dementia, and therefore won't accurately report symptoms and timelines to doctors (or downplay their significance), and secondly, doctors and others who only see the person a few minutes at a time are skeptical that dementia is present because from moment to moment to moment, the person can answer questions, follow orders, etc; it's only over a matter of several hours to several days that the symptoms of dementia become glaringly obvious.

Anyway, he's seeing docs and having tests and at this point, that's a Good Thing.

 
{#Good-vibes}



islander
Dog is my copilot
islander Avatar

Location: Seattle
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Scorpio
Chinese Yr: Cock


Posted: May 22, 2016 - 9:42am

 MsJudi wrote:
Thanks, all. My mother finally got him to the hospital this morning, they're running tests and will keep him overnight. The weird thing is, they aren't looking for dementia or Alzheimer's. They're looking for a UTI or some other illness. This worries me, because in my experience, 2 things are true: the loved ones of the patient aren't willing to face the prospect of dementia, and therefore won't accurately report symptoms and timelines to doctors (or downplay their significance), and secondly, doctors and others who only see the person a few minutes at a time are skeptical that dementia is present because from moment to moment to moment, the person can answer questions, follow orders, etc; it's only over a matter of several hours to several days that the symptoms of dementia become glaringly obvious.

Anyway, he's seeing docs and having tests and at this point, that's a Good Thing.

 
Don't discount one for the other. My mom-in-law has some light dimentia/senility going on, but also gets occasional infections (UTI primarily, but others as well). We have learned that odd behavior is often a leading indicator of an infection coming on.

Every case is different, but there are a lot of complex interconnected things going on.  Docs and testing are a good start. Keeping good track of progress, symptoms, day to day events and happenings are important to see where the baseline is. 
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: May 22, 2016 - 9:33am

Thanks, all. My mother finally got him to the hospital this morning, they're running tests and will keep him overnight. The weird thing is, they aren't looking for dementia or Alzheimer's. They're looking for a UTI or some other illness. This worries me, because in my experience, 2 things are true: the loved ones of the patient aren't willing to face the prospect of dementia, and therefore won't accurately report symptoms and timelines to doctors (or downplay their significance), and secondly, doctors and others who only see the person a few minutes at a time are skeptical that dementia is present because from moment to moment to moment, the person can answer questions, follow orders, etc; it's only over a matter of several hours to several days that the symptoms of dementia become glaringly obvious.

Anyway, he's seeing docs and having tests and at this point, that's a Good Thing.
oldviolin
ab origine
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Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Leo


Posted: May 20, 2016 - 7:37am

If they're not willing participants it most definitely is hard.
BlueHeronDruid

BlueHeronDruid Avatar



Posted: May 19, 2016 - 9:12pm

 MsJudi wrote:
Here we go, again. My step father is losing his short-term memory, a sure sign of dementia, at- what my mother terms- "an alarming rate". We are less than a year and a half past this with my father, who died on January 1, 2015. We had hoped we had more time before the next one. And this is a surprise- we had really believed it would be my mother (still do) who will succumb to dementia, eventually. Complication: my step father is a Canadian, which could be good financially for his family if he has access to socialized long term care, but bad for us if my mother follows him to Canada (just about a mortal lock- if it was your spouse, wouldn't you?) and then falls victim to dementia, as well.

Sigh.

 
Don't worry about the future. Stay in the present - throw away all the crap you dealt with regarding your father - and breathe.

Talk to Alexandra about short-term memory loss. Her mother has been coping well - and lived in her own home for years, with help.

No panicking, okay?
bokey
Don't ask me
bokey Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: May 19, 2016 - 9:10pm

 MsJudi wrote:
Here we go, again. My step father is losing his short-term memory, a sure sign of dementia, at- what my mother terms- "an alarming rate". We are less than a year and a half past this with my father, who died on January 1, 2015. We had hoped we had more time before the next one. And this is a surprise- we had really believed it would be my mother (still do) who will succumb to dementia, eventually. Complication: my step father is a Canadian, which could be good financially for his family if he has access to socialized long term care, but bad for us if my mother follows him to Canada (just about a mortal lock- if it was your spouse, wouldn't you?) and then falls victim to dementia, as well.

Sigh.

 
I've been through it 3 times Hon,you can't try to outfigure the crazyness or,well,you know.{#Hug}
MsJudi
She knew it was time to exceed herself.
MsJudi Avatar

Location: Houston, TX
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Rabbit


Posted: May 19, 2016 - 9:02pm

Here we go, again. My step father is losing his short-term memory, a sure sign of dementia, at- what my mother terms- "an alarming rate". We are less than a year and a half past this with my father, who died on January 1, 2015. We had hoped we had more time before the next one. And this is a surprise- we had really believed it would be my mother (still do) who will succumb to dementia, eventually. Complication: my step father is a Canadian, which could be good financially for his family if he has access to socialized long term care, but bad for us if my mother follows him to Canada (just about a mortal lock- if it was your spouse, wouldn't you?) and then falls victim to dementia, as well.

Sigh.


aflanigan
Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity
aflanigan Avatar

Location: At Sea
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Aquarius
Chinese Yr: Rat


Posted: May 3, 2016 - 6:29am

Having elderly parents/relatives doesn't always need to be a depressing subject.

 
FourFortyEight

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Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Chinese Yr: Dog


Posted: Apr 7, 2016 - 5:53pm

 Jack_Jefferson wrote:

My nephew found it.  Free calendars on www.teamup.com.

 
Thank you, Jack. Very easy to use and setup.  Already updated the last few days.  


Jack_Jefferson
An American Original
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Location: Columbus, OH
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Aquarius
Chinese Yr: Monkey


Posted: Apr 7, 2016 - 9:55am

 FourFortyEight wrote:

Would you mind sharing that resource?  Is it public?  I'm so tired and confused.  I think that would be a great idea.  I have so much to fill it with.

 
My nephew found it.  Free calendars on www.teamup.com.




FourFortyEight

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Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Chinese Yr: Dog


Posted: Apr 7, 2016 - 9:41am

 bokey wrote:

I'm not aware of your situation,but I wish you the best in your noble endeavor.If I could respectfully offer you any advice I've picked up from my experiences,please feel free to PM me.

 
Thank you!
bokey
Don't ask me
bokey Avatar

Gender: Male


Posted: Apr 6, 2016 - 7:36pm

 FourFortyEight wrote:
Doctor called today.  Her test results for rheumatoid arthritis came back positive.  

 
I'm not aware of your situation,but I wish you the best in your noble endeavor.If I could respectfully offer you any advice I've picked up from my experiences,please feel free to PM me.


FourFortyEight

FourFortyEight Avatar

Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Chinese Yr: Dog


Posted: Apr 6, 2016 - 5:42pm

 oldviolin wrote:

{#Good-vibes}

 
Thank you, Bryan.  We're closer than we've ever been before.  God is good. 
oldviolin
ab origine
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Location: esse quam videri
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Leo


Posted: Apr 6, 2016 - 11:08am

 FourFortyEight wrote:
Doctor called today.  Her test results for rheumatoid arthritis came back positive.  

 
{#Good-vibes}
FourFortyEight

FourFortyEight Avatar

Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Chinese Yr: Dog


Posted: Apr 6, 2016 - 10:15am

Doctor called today.  Her test results for rheumatoid arthritis came back positive.  
FourFortyEight

FourFortyEight Avatar

Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Chinese Yr: Dog


Posted: Apr 5, 2016 - 7:48pm

 Jack_Jefferson wrote:

Thank you.  That is a great list.  We have a web calendar (sort of like SharePoint) that we use as a sort of diary of details of our time with him.  I'll save this and read it when I encounter difficult times concerning my father.

 
Would you mind sharing that resource?  Is it public?  I'm so tired and confused.  I think that would be a great idea.  I have so much to fill it with.


FourFortyEight

FourFortyEight Avatar

Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Chinese Yr: Dog


Posted: Apr 5, 2016 - 7:46pm

 Alexandra wrote:

 

Right....

 

And as long as this topic is hot right now and so many people are following it, I'll jot down a few more things that have been helping me cope:

 

My sisters and I keep a blog about visits to our mom (at her assisted living facility). Another thing we've all noticed is that eating habits sort of revert back to our toddler phase of life. Just as toddlers are very picky and sometimes rarely eat...so are seniors. With the exception of severely demented elders who forget to eat, or for whom hunger may not be registering in their brains—-most seniors don't have big appetites and may only eat one decent meal a day (usually around breakfast or lunch) and just pick at the others (or refuse them altogether). It's best not to worry ourselves over this—it's normal. They won't starve. Their GI is very old and can only process so much anymore...especially as the end approaches and things start slowing and shutting down one at a time. It's not a fun progression to watch (especially when they start losing weight), but it's entirely natural.

 

Someone else here at RP has imparted a lot of wisdom to me (I don't know if he wants to be outed or not). One of the best morsels of advice he gave me was about the "rollercoaster" of progress/behavior/health of our parents as it heads for the slow degeneration. There are good days and bad days regarding health or memory or moods or whatever. He told me it helps to learn how to stay grounded and not freak out on the bad days...and that way, when the end time comes and things get really bad, we will be able to handle it without falling apart.

 

The other wise thing he told me was to focus on my relationship with my mom and not concern myself with what my siblings are/aren't doing for her. He said it's important to be there for her in the best possible way I can (even from 2000 miles away) and to savor every moment while she is still with me—-and not get caught up in what I think everyone else should be doing for her.

 

And more than anything...many have told me to keep in mind that it's my mom's journey, not mine. I can only do so much to ensure she is properly cared for, but the rest is her path and beyond my control. If you happen to be a believer in a higher power, I'll add that my more spiritual loved ones have added, "Remember that she's in God's hands, no matter what."

 

My heart goes out to all of you who have (liked Gene and bokey and Prodigal) been right there doing all the caregiving yourself, or still are. After doing it for 4 years, I decided to move on with my life and let siblings/caregivers (and eventually my brother decided on a facility) do that work.

 

For all of us....



 
God bless you.  Please keep speaking to me... 

... oh and everyone else.  {#Meditate}


Jack_Jefferson
An American Original
Jack_Jefferson Avatar

Location: Columbus, OH
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Aquarius
Chinese Yr: Monkey


Posted: Apr 4, 2016 - 12:34pm

 Alexandra wrote:

 

Right....

 

And as long as this topic is hot right now and so many people are following it, I'll jot down a few more things that have been helping me cope:

 

My sisters and I keep a blog about visits to our mom (at her assisted living facility). Another thing we've all noticed is that eating habits sort of revert back to our toddler phase of life. Just as toddlers are very picky and sometimes rarely eat...so are seniors. With the exception of severely demented elders who forget to eat, or for whom hunger may not be registering in their brains—-most seniors don't have big appetites and may only eat one decent meal a day (usually around breakfast or lunch) and just pick at the others (or refuse them altogether). It's best not to worry ourselves over this—it's normal. They won't starve. Their GI is very old and can only process so much anymore...especially as the end approaches and things start slowing and shutting down one at a time. It's not a fun progression to watch (especially when they start losing weight), but it's entirely natural.

 

Someone else here at RP has imparted a lot of wisdom to me (I don't know if he wants to be outed or not). One of the best morsels of advice he gave me was about the "rollercoaster" of progress/behavior/health of our parents as it heads for the slow degeneration. There are good days and bad days regarding health or memory or moods or whatever. He told me it helps to learn how to stay grounded and not freak out on the bad days...and that way, when the end time comes and things get really bad, we will be able to handle it without falling apart.

 

The other wise thing he told me was to focus on my relationship with my mom and not concern myself with what my siblings are/aren't doing for her. He said it's important to be there for her in the best possible way I can (even from 2000 miles away) and to savor every moment while she is still with me—-and not get caught up in what I think everyone else should be doing for her.

 

And more than anything...many have told me to keep in mind that it's my mom's journey, not mine. I can only do so much to ensure she is properly cared for, but the rest is her path and beyond my control. If you happen to be a believer in a higher power, I'll add that my more spiritual loved ones have added, "Remember that she's in God's hands, no matter what."

 

My heart goes out to all of you who have (liked Gene and bokey and Prodigal) been right there doing all the caregiving yourself, or still are. After doing it for 4 years, I decided to move on with my life and let siblings/caregivers (and eventually my brother decided on a facility) do that work.

 

For all of us....



 
Thank you.  That is a great list.  We have a web calendar (sort of like SharePoint) that we use as a sort of diary of details of our time with him.  I'll save this and read it when I encounter difficult times concerning my father.
Alexandra

Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Libra
Chinese Yr: Horse


Posted: Apr 4, 2016 - 11:54am

 Jack_Jefferson wrote:

Alexandra,  thank you for this insight.  I noticed this about my father from shortly after my mother's passing (he's 90 now).  I thought it was very strange that he would choose to be bored.  Now I realize it was and still is comforting to him.  We just moved him to assisted living last month after he fell (sat down on the floor rather quickly) and had back pain.  The transition went well.  It was a move to an apartment about 2/3 the size of his previous apartment.  All but a table and desk fit in the new apartment.  We also got rid of many of the clothes he doesn't wear.  Last weekend, my sister discovered he wore the same pants, shirt, shoes and jacket for 7 straight days.  Once again, it's probably a comfort thing.

 
 

Right....

 

And as long as this topic is hot right now and so many people are following it, I'll jot down a few more things that have been helping me cope:

 

My sisters and I keep a blog about visits to our mom (at her assisted living facility). Another thing we've all noticed is that eating habits sort of revert back to our toddler phase of life. Just as toddlers are very picky and sometimes rarely eat...so are seniors. With the exception of severely demented elders who forget to eat, or for whom hunger may not be registering in their brains—-most seniors don't have big appetites and may only eat one decent meal a day (usually around breakfast or lunch) and just pick at the others (or refuse them altogether). It's best not to worry ourselves over this—it's normal. They won't starve. Their GI is very old and can only process so much anymore...especially as the end approaches and things start slowing and shutting down one at a time. It's not a fun progression to watch (especially when they start losing weight), but it's entirely natural.

 

Someone else here at RP has imparted a lot of wisdom to me (I don't know if he wants to be outed or not). One of the best morsels of advice he gave me was about the "rollercoaster" of progress/behavior/health of our parents as it heads for the slow degeneration. There are good days and bad days regarding health or memory or moods or whatever. He told me it helps to learn how to stay grounded and not freak out on the bad days...and that way, when the end time comes and things get really bad, we will be able to handle it without falling apart.

 

The other wise thing he told me was to focus on my relationship with my mom and not concern myself with what my siblings are/aren't doing for her. He said it's important to be there for her in the best possible way I can (even from 2000 miles away) and to savor every moment while she is still with me—-and not get caught up in what I think everyone else should be doing for her.

 

And more than anything...many have told me to keep in mind that it's my mom's journey, not mine. I can only do so much to ensure she is properly cared for, but the rest is her path and beyond my control. If you happen to be a believer in a higher power, I'll add that my more spiritual loved ones have added, "Remember that she's in God's hands, no matter what."

 

My heart goes out to all of you who have (liked Gene and bokey and Prodigal) been right there doing all the caregiving yourself, or still are. After doing it for 4 years, I decided to move on with my life and let siblings/caregivers (and eventually my brother decided on a facility) do that work.

 

For all of us....


Jack_Jefferson
An American Original
Jack_Jefferson Avatar

Location: Columbus, OH
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Aquarius
Chinese Yr: Monkey


Posted: Apr 4, 2016 - 10:55am

 Alexandra wrote:
I have also learned from people (and articles) that seniors that are up around 90+ years old experience just being much differently than we (as much younger, active people) do.
 
To us, sitting in silence in the great hall of a facility sounds boring beyond words. To them, their bodies are very, very tired from having walked there from down a long hallway. Long conversations (when they can't remember much anyway) can be exhausting. Sometimes just sitting and doing nothing feels comfortable for them. Especially if they're sitting among peers. Kind of like when you see a bunch of seagulls on the beach all flocked together in silence. Some with heads under their wings. Just being.

 
Alexandra,  thank you for this insight.  I noticed this about my father from shortly after my mother's passing (he's 90 now).  I thought it was very strange that he would choose to be bored.  Now I realize it was and still is comforting to him.  We just moved him to assisted living last month after he fell (sat down on the floor rather quickly) and had back pain.  The transition went well.  It was a move to an apartment about 2/3 the size of his previous apartment.  All but a table and desk fit in the new apartment.  We also got rid of many of the clothes he doesn't wear.  Last weekend, my sister discovered he wore the same pants, shirt, shoes and jacket for 7 straight days.  Once again, it's probably a comfort thing.


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