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Index » Radio Paradise/General » General Discussion » Caretakers Of Our Parents Page: 1, 2, 3 ... 51, 52, 53  Next
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ScottFromWyoming
I eat pints
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Location: Powell
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Pisces
Chinese Yr: Tiger


Posted: Jan 6, 2017 - 8:09am

 marko86 wrote:
I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness

 
100% normal. With long-term illness, especially, the sadness is long since over and done with. In my case, it was small amounts of grief every day for a few years until at the end there was none left... it was impossible to even fake it. But the end does bring relief, for everyone. Relief for the end of her suffering. Relief that my Dad can get on with his grieving (he never allowed the possibility that she wouldn't survive to enter his world) and stop worrying 24/7. And relief for everyone else too, from whatever amount of stress and worry they were carrying. 
miamizsun

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Location: (3261.3 Miles SE of RP)
Gender: Male


Posted: Jan 6, 2017 - 7:00am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
sorry for your loss

try and organize family vacations or reunions

make it as easy as possible

peace
lily34
i need a bogle for my glotch.
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Location: GTFO
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Posted: Jan 6, 2017 - 6:54am

 marko86 wrote:
Thanks for all the kind comments.

 

oldviolin
ab origine
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Posted: Jan 6, 2017 - 6:07am

 marko86 wrote:
Thanks for all the kind comments.

 

marko86

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Location: North TX
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Posted: Jan 6, 2017 - 5:36am

Thanks for all the kind comments.
kurtster

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Location: drifting
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Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 4:58pm

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
My condolences.  Peace is the goal.  No rules for what comes next.  Memories are now the eternal life.

{#Meditate} 
FourFortyEight

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Location: The Dirty South
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Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 4:56pm

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
My condolences.  You have a road ahead of you.  I felt the same way the night my mother passed.  The stages are confusing and aggravating.  
Welly
Analog girl in a digital world
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Location: Lotusland
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Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 1:15pm

 Hi marko - I had the same feelings a few months ago when my mother passed. Don't worry about how you 'think you should' feel. We feel how we feel. It's pretty complicated but it's all good.
The odd thing for me is how much more often I find my mother in my thoughts now, more than she ever was when she was alive, and we were close, talked a lot. It's very weird.


marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 


Alexandra
Learning to relax with groundlessness
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Location: PNW
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Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 10:14am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
 

It's probably a little of both. It's perfectly natural to be relieved that our dearest loved ones aren't suffering any longer, or even languishing in a quality of life that isn't optimal. And of course, like any loss, grief comes in waves.

 How touching that she got to have her loving son with her when she passed. I hope I get to do the same for my mom (although I suspect I will get "the call" one day instead). I too wonder if our family will start to drift apart a little, since we won't have a common thing to keep one another posted about.

 

My heart goes out to you, Marko....and all your family. May your mother rest in eternal peace.


olivertwist

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Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 9:07am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
{#Meditate} Sincere condolences. When my mom passed away, it didn't really hit me until I visited my parents' house a few days later and saw assorted personal items like her coffee cup & pieces of paper on which she wrote and doodled while playing her daily word games. Since then (two years ago now), grief still hits me unexpectedly at times. As Antigone said, grief is sneaky. Best wishes.
Antigone

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Location: A house, in a Virginian Valley
Gender: Female
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Chinese Yr: Rat


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 7:53am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
I'm so sorry for your loss. Do take care of yourself. Grief is a sneaky bastard.


Coaxial
Shine On.
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Location: 543 miles west of Paradis,1491 miles east of Paradise
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Zodiac: Capricorn
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Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 7:12am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
So sorry for your loss...My condolences.{#Meditate}
lily34
i need a bogle for my glotch.
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Location: GTFO
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Zodiac: Cancer
Chinese Yr: Monkey


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 6:59am

 marko86 wrote:
Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.

 
i'm sorry. my mom - who was in the medical profession - says sometimes it takes 6 weeks to really hit you. be good to you.
marko86

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Location: North TX
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Taurus
Chinese Yr: Horse


Posted: Jan 5, 2017 - 6:52am

Finally got to the end on Monday. Though my mother had declined in appetite and awareness significantly in the weeks leading up to it, it was the start of the morphine under the tongue that she became unresponsive. I feel good that I spent a lot of good quality time with her over the last 12+ months, spending 3 days every 3-4 weeks, care taking. I don't know if its normal, but my sense of relief out weighed my sense of sadness, or perhaps it hasn't all hit me yet. I saw it through to the end, to the point I was the last thing she saw when she went. I think its gonna be ok, though I do sense the family will seriously drift apart now.
Antigone

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Location: A house, in a Virginian Valley
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Aquarius
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Posted: Oct 1, 2016 - 5:14pm

 FourFortyEight wrote:
Man.  I cried hard tonight.  I don't remember crying that hard since I was a child.  After, it felt like a significant amount of weight was shed.  I think I'm in a stage where I accept this pain and it's not manifesting it's self as negativity.  It feels like growth.  I'm thankful for it.  I have a major appreciation of my life tonight.  

Hope you're all well.  Namaste.

 
Peace.
oldviolin
ab origine
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Posted: Oct 1, 2016 - 5:11pm

 FourFortyEight wrote:
Man.  I cried hard tonight.  I don't remember crying that hard since I was a child.  After, it felt like a significant amount of weight was shed.  I think I'm in a stage where I accept this pain and it's not manifesting it's self as negativity.  It feels like growth.  I'm thankful for it.  I have a major appreciation of my life tonight.  

Hope you're all well.  Namaste.
 
Courage.
Coaxial
Shine On.
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Location: 543 miles west of Paradis,1491 miles east of Paradise
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Capricorn
Chinese Yr: Dragon


Posted: Sep 30, 2016 - 7:33pm

 FourFortyEight wrote:
Man.  I cried hard tonight.  I don't remember crying that hard since I was a child.  After, it felt like a significant amount of weight was shed.  I think I'm in a stage where I accept this pain and it's not manifesting it's self as negativity.  It feels like growth.  I'm thankful for it.  I have a major appreciation of my life tonight.  

Hope you're all well.  Namaste.

 
Washing your eyeballs from the inside out sometimes is good for the soul...Hang in there.{#Meditate}
FourFortyEight

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Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Chinese Yr: Dog


Posted: Sep 30, 2016 - 7:14pm

Man.  I cried hard tonight.  I don't remember crying that hard since I was a child.  After, it felt like a significant amount of weight was shed.  I think I'm in a stage where I accept this pain and it's not manifesting it's self as negativity.  It feels like growth.  I'm thankful for it.  I have a major appreciation of my life tonight.  

Hope you're all well.  Namaste.


FourFortyEight

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Location: The Dirty South
Gender: Male
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Chinese Yr: Dog


Posted: Sep 27, 2016 - 4:46pm

 Alexandra wrote:

 

Always.

 

And if anyone is all about comfort and NOT suffering, it's Hospice....I'm surprised they don't stay engaged. A friend of mine in the Pharm business who dealt with lots of Hospice reps say it's a huge business these days (now that it's subsidized), even when people aren't near death.



 
I can see that being true.  Mom was in hospice for less than six hours before she passed.  I'm quite sure it's that under-tongue dose of morphine that "took the edge off".  Either way, by that time, and under the circumstances in the end, it was a blessing for mom and I both.  

... if that's what happened. No way to know at this point.


Alexandra
Learning to relax with groundlessness
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Location: PNW
Gender: Female
Zodiac: Libra
Chinese Yr: Horse


Posted: Sep 27, 2016 - 12:38pm

 FourFortyEight wrote:

I certainly do feel for you in that situation. It gets to a point where, exactly as you said, the lack of quality of life and suffering becomes the major concern.

 
 

Always.

 

And if anyone is all about comfort and NOT suffering, it's Hospice....I'm surprised they don't stay engaged. A friend of mine in the Pharm business who dealt with lots of Hospice reps say it's a huge business these days (now that it's subsidized), even when people aren't near death.


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