RP Listener Forum - Radio Paradise

Posted: Jun 15, 2012 - 5:31am

meower wrote:

stole it

As did I.

Posted: Jun 15, 2012 - 5:07am

black321 wrote:

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane..

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men ofJewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the SouthernRedneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

Funny joke, but as a Jewish woman, I can attest that Jewish men make lousy lovers. They think every woman is their mother!

Posted: Jun 15, 2012 - 5:02am

mzpro5 wrote:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk,
a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an
Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an
Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a
Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a
Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a
Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a
Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a
Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan,
an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian,
a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian,
a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a
Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an
Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian,
a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a
Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino,
a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a
Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an
Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans...

Walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', after scrutinizing the group.

"You can't come in here without a Thai."

stole it

Posted: Jun 15, 2012 - 4:25am

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk,
a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an
Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an
Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a
Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a
Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a
Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a
Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a
Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan,
an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian,
a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian,
a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a
Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an
Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian,
a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a
Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino,
a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a
Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an
Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans...

Walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the maÃ®tre d', after scrutinizing the group.

"You can't come in here without a Thai."

Posted: Jun 12, 2012 - 10:45am

black321 wrote:

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane..

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men ofJewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the SouthernRedneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

Posted: Jun 12, 2012 - 7:59am

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane..

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men ofJewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the SouthernRedneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

Posted: Jun 11, 2012 - 4:52pm

black321 wrote:

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 100 litres of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 10 litres. So
he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 100 litres of milk. Did
you mean 10 litres?"
The blonde said, "I want 100 litres. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look
young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my face"

that's a pretty dumb joke!

Posted: Jun 11, 2012 - 1:23pm

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 100 litres of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 10 litres. So
he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 100 litres of milk. Did
you mean 10 litres?"
The blonde said, "I want 100 litres. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look
young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my face"

Posted: May 30, 2012 - 9:47am

cc_rider wrote:

Yes I do.

I love Readers Digest. {#Yes}

Posted: May 30, 2012 - 9:45am

cc_rider wrote:

Beez came home one evening to find her hubby on the couch watching TV, surfing back and forth between a fishing show and an, uh, erotic movie. When she came in, he quickly switched it back to the fishing show. She said "you might as well put it back on the other channel. You already know how to fish."

That joke was in Reader's Digest. No kidding.

Posted: May 30, 2012 - 9:35am

hippiechick wrote:

My daughter used to sit on the potty and read Reader's Digest when she was 2. I'm not kidding, she could read at age 2!

My sister was like that. The nursery-school teacher thought she was faking, until she put a new book in front of her. Funny.

Posted: May 30, 2012 - 9:29am

cc_rider wrote:

Yes I do.

My daughter used to sit on the potty and read Reader's Digest when she was 2. I'm not kidding, she could read at age 2!

Posted: May 30, 2012 - 9:17am

oldslabsides wrote:

why don't snakes bite lawyers?
professional courtesy.

Oldy but goody. You can also substitute sharks for snakes.

Posted: May 30, 2012 - 9:13am

hippiechick wrote:

You read Reader's Digest?

Yes I do.

Posted: May 30, 2012 - 9:08am

cc_rider wrote:

Beez came home one evening to find her hubby on the couch watching TV, surfing back and forth between a fishing show and an, uh, erotic movie. When she came in, he quickly switched it back to the fishing show. She said "you might as well put it back on the other channel. You already know how to fish."

That joke was in Reader's Digest. No kidding.

You read Reader's Digest?

Posted: May 30, 2012 - 9:06am

Beez came home one evening to find her hubby on the couch watching TV, surfing back and forth between a fishing show and an, uh, erotic movie. When she came in, he quickly switched it back to the fishing show. She said "you might as well put it back on the other channel. You already know how to fish."

That joke was in Reader's Digest. No kidding.

Posted: Apr 26, 2012 - 10:51am

Townes Van Zandt joke:

A cop sees a drunk stumbling down the street. He says, "Hey, Buddy, you look a little drunk, you ok?." The drunk says, "Man, I sure am glad to see you officer. See, somebody just stole my car." The cop says, "Stole your car? Where was the car when you last saw it?" The guy says, "Right on the end of this key." The cop looks at the key and looks at the drunk and says, "Well, go two blocks down to the Station and report it to the desk sergeant." The drunk says, "Thanks, officer. You been a big help." As the drunk start stumbling towards the station, the cop looks down at the guys pants and says, "Hey buddy, before you go, you better zip up your fly." The guy looks down at his pants and says, "Aw man, they got my girl too."

Posted: Apr 26, 2012 - 9:57am

fuzzy wrote:

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, Marilyn my wife and I went downtown and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an asshole . He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So Marilyn called him a shit head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

Um, can you PM me your snail mail addy? I have some parking tickets I'd like you to help me pay . . .

Posted: Apr 25, 2012 - 9:00pm

why don't snakes bite lawyers?
professional courtesy.

Posted: Apr 25, 2012 - 8:57pm

Know how to tell roadkill from a lawyer? Theres skid marks leading up to the roadkill.