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Index »
Radio Paradise/General »
General Discussion »
~ Have a good joke you can post? ~
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Page: Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 24, 25, 26 ... 311, 312, 313 Next |
justlistening
Location: So. California Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 1, 2011 - 10:09am |
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An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1:00 A.M. He is asked where he is going at this time of night. The old man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body". The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "My wife."
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justlistening
Location: So. California Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 1, 2011 - 10:08am |
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miamizsun wrote:ethnic humor
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner, a New Englander, and a Californian, an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, a Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, 47 Africans and Manbird walk into a fine restaurant...."I'm sorry," said the maître d', scrutinized the group one by one and barred their entrance saying "sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai." Not only ethnic but what a long set up!
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miamizsun
Location: (3283.1 Miles SE of RP) Gender:
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Posted:
Jun 30, 2011 - 8:26am |
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ethnic humorAn Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner, a New Englander, and a Californian, an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, a Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, 47 Africans and Manbird walk into a fine restaurant.... "I'm sorry," said the maître d', scrutinized the group one by one and barred their entrance saying "sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai."
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justlistening
Location: So. California Gender:
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Posted:
Jun 16, 2011 - 5:47pm |
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The trouser game reminded me of this joke:
A man is at the beach and he notices another guy with women fawning all over him. He can't figure out why this guy is having so much luck even though they are very similar. Later he approaches the man and asks him what his secret is.
The man responds: "Well, you just need to do what I do. Get a potato" "A potato!" the other man protests. "What do I do with the potoato!" "Well put it in your bathing suit!" the casanova replies. "My suit?" the desparate man asks. "Yes, it works like a charm."
So the next day at the beach the man shows up with a potato in his bathing suit. To his dismay the women are still ignoring him. Finally, not being able to take it anymore he marches over to the other man and pulls him aside.
"Listen, I did what you said and put a potato in my suit and it didn't work - what gives?" "Well" said the other man, it's better if you put it in the front.
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katzendogs
Location: Pasadena ,Texas Gender:
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Posted:
Jun 16, 2011 - 5:21pm |
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US MILITARY LANGUAGE CONVERSION CHART | | | | | | | | Single with ruffle and duvet | | | Dining Facility or 'The Cafe' | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | Die for your Battle Buddy | | | | Don't Ask, Don't Tell or Honey | | | Back on Base for Happy Hour | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | 'No conversion available' | | | | | | | | | |
| Explanation - The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, take the simple phrase "secure the building". The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to bu |
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cc_rider
Location: Bastrop Gender:
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Posted:
Jun 15, 2011 - 7:25am |
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hippiechick wrote:Some interviewer told the Dalai Lama this joke:
A Buddhist monk walked into a pizza shop and said "Could you make me one with everything?"
The Dalai Lama didn't get it.
I suspect he didn't WANT it.
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hippiechick
Location: topsy turvy land Gender:
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Posted:
Jun 15, 2011 - 6:09am |
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Some interviewer told the Dalai Lama this joke:
A Buddhist monk walked into a pizza shop and said "Could you make me one with everything?"
The Dalai Lama didn't get it.
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Manbird
Location: La Villa Toscana Gender:
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Posted:
Jun 14, 2011 - 12:23pm |
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NoEnzLefttoSplit
Gender:
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Posted:
May 27, 2011 - 4:52pm |
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oh no, my knee is bleeding now.
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NoEnzLefttoSplit
Gender:
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Posted:
May 27, 2011 - 4:51pm |
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Manbird wrote: Wow. Just wow.
I thought the same. just how deep words can be if you don't say them.
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Manbird
Location: La Villa Toscana Gender:
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Posted:
May 27, 2011 - 4:47pm |
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NoEnzLefttoSplit wrote: just because
Wow. Just wow.
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NoEnzLefttoSplit
Gender:
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Posted:
May 27, 2011 - 4:46pm |
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Manbird wrote: All words are stupid.
just because
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Manbird
Location: La Villa Toscana Gender:
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Posted:
May 27, 2011 - 4:45pm |
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NoEnzLefttoSplit wrote: I like the word because. All words are stupid. They're beety about the neck and spine and reign down on thou with blows of terror.
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NoEnzLefttoSplit
Gender:
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Posted:
May 27, 2011 - 4:45pm |
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Manbird wrote: It's funny because it's what we're all thinking except OV.
I like the word because.
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Manbird
Location: La Villa Toscana Gender:
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Posted:
May 27, 2011 - 4:43pm |
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NoEnzLefttoSplit wrote: I like the bit about the dental floss and the opera singer.
It's funny because it's what we're all thinking except OV.
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NoEnzLefttoSplit
Gender:
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Posted:
May 27, 2011 - 4:39pm |
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Manbird wrote:• • • MONEY • • •
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he says, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
I like the bit about the dental floss and the opera singer.
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cptbuz
Location: Sacramento CA Gender:
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Posted:
May 27, 2011 - 4:35pm |
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An old guy, not in the best of shape.... was working out in the gym when he spotted a sexy and beautiful young Woman. He asked the nearby trainer, "What machine should I use in here to impress that cute young thing over there?"
The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I'd try the ATM in the lobby."
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Manbird
Location: La Villa Toscana Gender:
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Posted:
May 27, 2011 - 4:23pm |
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• • • MONEY • • •
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he says, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
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oldviolin
Location: esse quam videri Gender:
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Posted:
May 18, 2011 - 5:38pm |
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Manbird wrote: I tell people that because I don't want them wearing my fleece lined slippers when I'm gone.
I know you'll be fine! I see something fantastic in your future.
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Manbird
Location: La Villa Toscana Gender:
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Posted:
May 18, 2011 - 5:25pm |
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Coaxial wrote:The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.' After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS .' The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, ' Momma , I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?'
'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order .' I tell people that because I don't want them wearing my fleece lined slippers when I'm gone.
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