The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.' After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS .' The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, ' Momma , I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?'
'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order .'
The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cockfights being held in the area around Crowley and sent their famous detective Boudreaux to investigate.
Boudreaux reported to his sergeant the next morning. 'Dey is tree main groups in dis rooster fightin', he began.
'Good work. Who are they?' the sergeant asked.
Boudreaux replied confidently, 'de Texas Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia.'
Puzzled, the sergeant asked, 'How did you find that out in one night?'
'Well,' he replied, 'I went down and done seen dat rooster fight in person. I knowed dem Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight.' The sergeant nodded, 'I'll buy that. But what about the others?'
Boudreaux nodded knowingly, 'Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on de duck.'
'Ah,' sighed the sergeant, 'And how did you figure the Mafia was involved?'
The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cockfights being held in the area around Crowley and sent their famous detective Boudreaux to investigate.
Boudreaux reported to his sergeant the next morning. 'Dey is tree main groups in dis rooster fightin', he began.
'Good work. Who are they?' the sergeant asked.
Boudreaux replied confidently, 'de Texas Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia.'
Puzzled, the sergeant asked, 'How did you find that out in one night?'
'Well,' he replied, 'I went down and done seen dat rooster fight in person. I knowed dem Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight.' The sergeant nodded, 'I'll buy that. But what about the others?'
Boudreaux nodded knowingly, 'Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on de duck.'
'Ah,' sighed the sergeant, 'And how did you figure the Mafia was involved?'
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
Posted:
Apr 16, 2011 - 1:02pm
The Fire Truck
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter’s helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster. '
The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
Posted:
Apr 2, 2011 - 8:00am
A letter to the Men's Helpline:
Hi Bob,
I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the callerhangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?
Funny, but I still think it's funnier if Bush would have taken the first parachute... more believable too. Guess being a European I don't see Obama for what he really is, according to some of you. Still strikes me as a highly intelligent man, who really tries to lead the country,
EDIT: of course I take jokes way too seriously
Agree on all points. Whether you like Obama or not, he's not dumb. Bush however? ugh.
Was that a Justin Wilson story?
